If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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