Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
