My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize