i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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