3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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