Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
