Soap is not a condiment
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
