1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
