There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
