she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The power of my boobs compel you
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
