The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't deserve a penis
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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