Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize