doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
