We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
