I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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