Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
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You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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