hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
