i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
