Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
