he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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