I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
