I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
