Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
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is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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