i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
