Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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