i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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