Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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