I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
