hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
