hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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