just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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