Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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