Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
