she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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