is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
