I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
