She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up under a house in Key West
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