theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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