Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
