Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
