I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
