My hand turned me down
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
