so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize