he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
