I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
