I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
