doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
