i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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