strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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