bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
