Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
