it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
