If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
there is puke in my bra ... again
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
