you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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