the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
