if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I use my feet as sexual weapons
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
