oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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