I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you are never too drunk for berry picking
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I didn't notice because vodka
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
