I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
