living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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