My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
