Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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