coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
