I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
