Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
