you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish life had little blips of pornography
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
