mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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