Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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