...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
