it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
we should paint friendship bongs
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
