During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
