time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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