I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
