and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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