remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
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i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
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Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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