come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
