This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
