fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
