ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize