I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
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